


The start of a new Era

by Garunala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean goes to Stanford with Sam, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Stanford Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:43:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9471827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garunala/pseuds/Garunala
Summary: Dean finds the acceptance letter in Sam´s duffel. They argue and Sam begs Dean to come with him. Unable to let his brother go and tentatively reviving old, long buried dreams Dean agrees.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fanfiction and I´m a little scared. We´ll see how it goes, I hope I´ll do alright.
> 
> Everything about this is self-indulgent and it´s pretty likely Sam and Dean are a bit out of character because if they were in character the whole story wouldn´t have happened. But I´ll try my best.
> 
> This is probably going to be fairly fluffy, but there will be some angst about Dean doubting himself and struggling with settling down. And of course the inevitable freak out about the incest.
> 
> As usual constructive criticism is more than welcome and I´ll gladly fix any mistakes.

**The start of a new Era**  
**Chapter 1**

It was just a piece of paper; it should have been innocent enough. But right now it was the cause of the biggest argument Sam could remember having with Dean in forever.

“Why are you so angry? I mean, you knew I hate this life, I haven´t exactly been hiding it, didn´t you ever think I might want to get out?”

Dean´s nostrils flared and his eyes flashed dangerously. He was beyond reasoning and Sam knew it, but he couldn´t let this go, not this.

“Well, maybe I thought you knew you have a responsibility, so sue me! I just can´t believe you went behind my back like this because you want to run away!”

Sam´s jaw tightened, his own anger flaring. He loved his brother, and he appreciated what Dean had always done for him, but he didn´t think it was too much to ask for a bit of understanding. It was Johns fault of course, if indirectly this time. Their father was almost always the cause of fights between them, and the reason Dean was so mad was John drilling into his head that there was no option besides hunting. Sam had always needed more, he´d worked hard to juggle hunting and school for years and had been rewarded with his ticket out of the life.

A full ride for Stanford was an incredible chance and no matter how much he loved Dean, he wouldn´t give it up, not even for him.

“That´s not fair, Dean! I just want a life of my own, why is that so bad? Hunting is killing me, could end up actually killing me one day, and I just want to live without fearing for my life all the time! This is my chance, everything I want in life on a silver platter, how can you expect me to pass it up?”

His voice had turned pleading and Sam cursed himself for it. Dean had always been able to get under his skin, but this time he needed to stay strong and see this through.

“So you´d leave to pretend you´re one of them, just like that? What about me and dad, huh? Are we just collateral, or are you glad to be rid of us? I mean, you´re gonna go to college, why would you want to be burdened with your stupid family? Is that it?” Dean bit out in response, and it all clicked into place.

Sam softened, his confused anger and hurt draining away.

“This is not about leaving you, Dean. Jesus, it´s just college, I´m not moving to the North Pole! There are always the holidays, and you could visit, too.”

The gentle tone had been a mistake. Dean always thought he was being patronized when Sam spoke to him like that, and that always made him defensive. Like a cornered animal Dean lashed out when he felt defensive and it wasn´t any different now.

“You expect me to schedule my hunts to accommodate your precious classes? Fuck you, Sam, you´re a selfish bastard! Since when is this life not good enough for you anymore, huh? Why do you think you´re better than me and dad?”

The hurt and fear of being abandoned were so thinly veiled it was ridiculous. Sam was sure Dean would have noticed how obvious he was being if he hadn´t been so upset.

“I don´t think I´m better, Dean. I just have different goals, that doesn´t mean I think I´m worth more, but it shouldn´t mean that what I want is worth any less, either.”

Dean wouldn´t be placated, but that wasn´t a surprise. When he was upset Dean was stubborn like a mule and there was nothing that could make him let go of an issue.

“Bullshit! You´re leaving us, you fucking asshole, you´re fucking leaving me! What have I done wrong? I thought I was doing alright, am I annoying you that bad?”

For a moment there was absolute silence. Sam was stunned and Dean looked like he couldn´t believe he´d said that. Not because it was a lie, Sam was sure, but because he hadn´t meant to reveal his insecurities like that.

“You could come with me.” Sam blurted, surprised at himself but meaning it.

When Dean just stood and looked at him with huge, unreadable eyes, Sam tried again.

“To Stanford, I mean. We can fake the documents, you could come with me.”

He hadn´t realized how badly he wanted Dean to come with him before he´d said it aloud, but now that he thought about it…well, Dean was the most important person in his life, he could barely imagine being away from him for any extended period of time, let alone years.

“You´re kidding, right?” Dean deadpanned flatly, “Me, at Stanford, with all those super smart kids? Yeah, ´cause I´m so keen to become known as the grunt pathetically following his brother around.”

What threw Sam even more than the words was the bitterness belying Dean´s badly faked indifference. He´d always suspected Dean thought he wasn´t smart, hell, his brother had flat out said it when he´d dropped out and Sam had asked why. Back then Sam had protested but dropped it when Dean snapped at him, now he wouldn´t. Not when he´d heard the bitter almost-longing in his brother´s voice that proved Dean had dreams, had at least had dreams at some point. Dreams beyond being his father´s obedient foot soldier and risking his life on a daily basis.

“You´re not a grunt, Dean. I happen to think you´d do great at Stanford, you´re really smart, you´ve just never done anything with it.”

Dean stared at him for a moment, jaw tight, and then he was moving towards the door in long strides, picking up his keys and jacket.

“Yeah, whatever. Don´t wait up.” He bit out, slamming the door so hard it rattled in its rickety frame.

Sam sighed and dropped down on the bed, staring at the letter that had started it all. He´d been so happy when he´d opened it, full of hope for a future he built for himself instead of being controlled, and now it was all tainted by Dean´s anger. He understood Dean felt betrayed, but he needed this, needed to get away from hunting and his oppressive father. With another sigh he hid it in his bag again and laid down to wait for Dean´s return. Because return he would, drunk out of his mind in the middle of the night, possibly reeking of sex and perfume.

If Sam was lucky he´d come to accept his wish to leave when he was drunk enough to see past his anger. Until then there was nothing to do but wait and hope.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we go, second chapter. I´m very grateful for the positive feedback I´ve gotten and I hope I won´t disappoint.  
> This chapter is pretty short, but I´m going to post another chapter tomorrow.  
> As usual constructive criticism is more than welcome.

**Chapter 2**

By the time Dean stumbled back into their motel room everything was blurred around the edges and the sounds around him mixed into an irritating blend, like constant buzzing right beside his ear, but his anger had turned into nervous, tentative hope and guilt.

The hope was all about dreams long forgotten, buried beneath duties and training, and the guilt was too, in the end. Because Dean, unlike Sam, felt unable to take what he wanted, what he could barely admit to himself in his head he wanted. He felt guilty for even considering leaving with Sam. And that didn´t even factor in the ridiculousness of Sam´s idea.

Seriously, how did the kid expect Dean, who´d dropped out of school as soon as he could, to manage studying at Stanford? It was absurd. Although, deep inside, Dean had to admit it was a kind of absurd he wanted to believe possible. College had never been an option for him, but when he´d been a lot younger he´d dared daydream about studying sometimes, not really caring about the subject but more about the life it stood for.

He had been like Sam, in a way, back then, but unlike the kid he´d never dared show it, knowing his responsibility came before his personal happiness.

Finding out Sam was all set to leave him behind after everything he´d sacrificed for his brother? Yeah, that one had hurt like a bitch. Though, as it turned out, maybe Sam didn´t want to get rid of him so badly after all. Why else would he ask Dean to come with him?

Everything inside Dean was a jumbled mess, emotions and thoughts contradicting and confusing.

Sam was dozing on the bed when Dean entered, fully clothed. He looked tense, apparently unable to find real sleep, and Dean found the focus to feel guilty briefly. Maybe he´d overreacted by screaming at the kid like that, it wasn´t like he didn´t want Sam to be happy. He did, more than anything, and he´d always known the hunting life wouldn´t make Sam happy. It had been his deeply ingrained fear of abandonment talking, and Dean was self-aware enough to realize that. That fear wasn´t anything new, shameful as it was.

Dean frowned, looking at Sam. Damn it, he loved the kid. Didn´t say it often, or at all, but he did, and he hoped Sam knew that.

He sighed, regretting the drinking binge now. Sam hated it when he drank, it reminded him off John and god knew the kid didn´t want his brother to be like him. Dean got that, he did, he wasn´t entirely blind to the man´s mistakes, even if he looked up to him. But there had never been a choice for him; he´d just had to learn to accept his place was that of a foot soldier that would, sooner or later, be sacrificed to the hunt for revenge.

As long as Sam was okay, Dean was too. But it seemed the kid wasn´t, and probably never would be unless he got out of the life. Dean didn´t want his brother to resign himself to hunting the way he had, but he was selfish enough to do anything to keep Sam at his side.

Only there was another alternative to do that, now. If Sam had meant what he´d said, if he´d meant his offer for Dean to come with him, Dean would.

Someone had to look out for the kid, after all, even if Dean would horribly embarrass himself if he tried to go to college.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, another chapter. I hope it´s alright.  
> Constructive criticism is welcome as always!

**Chapter 3**

Dean had been on edge all day, waiting for the inevitable. Now it had caught up to him and he watched from the sidelines as his father and brother fought bitterly. The fight had been going on for what felt like ages, back and forth, back and forth.

John accused Sam of abandoning his family and his duty to the civilians who didn´t know about the things that went bump in the night.

Sam accused John of ruining his and Dean´s childhood, wanting good little soldiers, not sons, and not wanting Sam to be happy.

The accusations were nothing new on either side, but never had they fought like this, never had words so hurtful been thrown with so little care.

The tension mounted until Dean was afraid fists would fly, but just as he prepared to separate John and Sam the explosion happened.

“You want to go? Fine! But if you walk out that door, don´t you dare ever come back!”

Dean could see the color drain from Sam´s face, leaving him ghostly pale and wide eyed, even as his own stomach did a backflip. They´d known their father would be angry. They´d known he would try anything to keep Sam under his thumb and away from Stanford. But never had they expected him to basically disown Sam, throw him out of their family for wanting an education.

Dean felt as though he was drowning, standing paralyzed as Sam swayed on his feet for a moment before burning spots of red appeared high on his cheeks. His brother nodded sharply, jaw clenched, and stormed off, reappearing a moment later with his and Dean´s packed duffels. He paused at the door, looking at Dean with fearful, pleading eyes.

“Dean? You don´t have to, but…”

Sam´s voice was thin, brittle. He was seconds away from losing control and breaking down, although he was hiding it rather well Dean knew him inside and out.

His brother´s distress shook Dean out of his dazed shock and he began to move, stumbling on his way to the door before he caught himself.

“Dean?”

John sounded both outraged and disbelieving, and Dean felt the insane urge to laugh. Of course John couldn´t believe Dean was walking out on him as well, Sam was the rebellious one, the one John expected to cause trouble, but not Dean, never Dean. Now his good little soldier was leaving, and hell, Dean couldn´t believe it himself. He couldn´t help it, he turned around.

“You can´t honestly expect me to leave the kid. He´s everything to me, you know that.” He said, feeling he owed his father an explanation at least before he followed Sam out of the door forever.

Sam was waiting, leaning against the impala with a miserable look on his face, their duffels at his feet. They got into the car, Dean listening for the sound of the door opening, for his father coming out to tell them they could visit, that it wasn´t a death sentence.

It never came, and as they drove off it hit home that he´d just lost half of his family.

Half an hour after leaving the motel Dean had to pull over. His hands were shaking too badly to steer properly and the road blurred in front of his eyes. He sat with his hands clenching around the steering wheel, fighting for breath. His chest felt too tight and weighted down, his thoughts fuzzy and muted. It felt like every clear thought was just out of reach, and no matter how hard he strained he couldn´t get a hold of them. The black roses blooming in front of his eyes took over his vision, everything fading in and out of existence.

Sam´s hand, warm and huge, landed on his shoulder heavily and he heard his brother talk, sounding like he was far, far away.

“-ean? Dean, you need to breathe. C´mon, breathe with me, match my breathing, you can do it. Everything´s gonna be alright. C´mon, in, out. In, out.”

Breathe. He had to breathe with Sam. Drawing a stuttering breath and letting it go Dean concentrated on the sound of his brother´s calm, slow breathing, trying to match it. His hand was lead to Sam´s chest and he could feel it expand every time Sam breathed in, felt his heartbeat beneath his palm, steady and reassuring. Sam was there with him, he hadn´t left Dean. He wasn´t alone, hadn´t been abandoned completely.

“There we go. Doing good, Dean. You´re okay, I´m okay, I´m here. Not gonna leave, Dean, I promise. Just need you to calm down.”

Calm down, yes. He could do that; he could do anything for Sam. Slowly Dean´s vision returned to normal, his breathing slowed bit by bit and he could see Sam´s concerned face hovering inches in front of his.

“Okay, good. You´re good, Dean. It´s okay.” Sam sighed, relief coloring his voice.

“I´m fine.” Dean rasped, batting his brother´s hand away when Sam tried to check his pulse.

“Sam, I´m fine, damn it. Quit fussing.” He snapped, immediately feeling guilty.

It wasn´t Sam´s fault he was such a freaking pussy. It was pathetic how dependent he was, seriously. Abandonment issues? Yeah, Dean had them.

“Just- let me-“ Sam began, shaking his head and breaking off. “Just wanna make sure you´re okay.”

He sounded shaken, and of course he did, he´d lost his father too, damn it, Dean had just been too busy feeling sorry for himself to notice how freaked Sam was.

“I- yeah, alright.” He muttered, allowing Sam to check his pulse with gentle hands.

“Seems fine.” Sam said softly, and Dean gave his best attempt at a shit eating grin.

It fell flat, his lips wobbled dangerously.

“Told you, bitch.”

Sam´s hand was still on him, touch ridiculously gentle despite the callouses. There was a trembling flutter deep in Dean´s chest, something deeply buried stirring, and he pulled away.

“Can I get back on the road without your mother-henning now?”

The look Sam gave him told him he saw right through the bravado, but he allowed Dean the illusion of dignity and pulled away.

“Sure. I guess we might as well get a few more hours in before we find a motel.”

Pulling the shredded remains of his mask around himself protectively Dean nodded and turned on the radio, jamming a Metallica tape inside and turning the volume up so high the car´s frame vibrated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it´s been ages since I´ve posted anything, and I´m really sorry! I´ve been really stressed and it was hard to motivate myself to write, but I got a really nice comment and I finally managed to finish chapter 4. It´s really short, but I´ve already started chapter 5 and I´ll try to update regularly from now on. I hope the chapter was worth the wait! As usual, constructive criticism is welcome!

**Chapter 4**

 

The neon sign proclaiming “Oasis Motel” flickered, bathing the parking lot in sickly green light. The palm tree next to the name was broken. The building was the kind of rundown, anonymous place they´d grown up in, and there was something weirdly comforting about that, a familiarity that put Dean at ease. He went ahead to pay while Sam got their duffels. The middle aged lady at the front desk eyes him suspiciously, putting aside her crossword, and he plastered on his most charming grin.

“Two queens, please.”

Her expression only soured further. “We only got a king.”

She glared at him like it was his fault and he debated looking for another motel, but it was late and after the shitty day they´d had he really just wanted to sleep. Sam wouldn´t mind, surely. It wasn´t their first time sharing a bed, after all- though the last time he´d been sixteen and Sam twelve, so maybe he´d mind after all.

“Dean?” He hadn´t even heard the door, which spoke volumes about how exhausted he was.

“They´ve only got a king, Sammy. That alright with you?” There was a strange, twisting feeling in his gut, but he put it down to his overall shitty mood. Sam just shrugged.

“Sure, why not. As long as there´s a bed I´m good.”

The lady really looked like she´d sucked on a lemon now, probably offended by the mere thought of two men sharing a bed, but she handed over the key before picking up her crossword and ignoring them. Dean shared a look with Sam and rolled his eyes, making Sam grin. It made him feel just a little bit lighter and he grinned back.

Their room wasn´t anything spectacular, not like the cowboy themed one or the one with bright pink everything they´d stayed in. The walls were that weird beige-grey-yellow color that was so common in motel rooms, and the carpet was the universal brown-grey color that was probably meant to hide stains and didn´t succeed. But the bed was made and the sheets looked fresh, which was a relief, since the bed was really the only thing Dean cared about right now.

Still, it felt weird that there was only one bed. Sam seemed less bothered, or he was better at hiding it. He dropped the duffels in the corner and dropped onto the bed with a groan, kicking off his shoes.

“You can have the shower.” He muttered, shoving his jeans down his legs without getting up. “I´ll take mine in the morning, just wanna sleep.”

Dean really wasn´t in the mood for moldy tiles and lukewarm water, but he also wasn´t quite ready to face their sleeping arrangement just yet, so he nodded and went to take a shower.

When he came out ten minutes later, wrapped in a too-small towel and dripping water everywhere, Sam was asleep. His little brother never looked more at peace than when he was sleeping, lips parted slightly, shaggy hair fanning out like a halo. Dean felt dizzy with relief, suddenly, that he´d decided to come with Sam. He couldn´t imagine living without Sam, barely managed whenever John had taken him on hunts and left Sam behind once he was old enough.

He dressed in sweats and finally got into bed, wondering why he´d thought it´d be weird when it really felt no different than when they´d been younger. With Sam´s reassuring presence next to him, Dean´s thoughts quieted down and he soon drifted of.

 


End file.
